Why is it that I have spent fifty years of my life hardly noticing anybody wearing heels. When I've got them on myself however they click like drum beats and they are all I can hear.
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Tara, my dance instructor, recommended that I wore heels to practice my walk for burlesque. So I bought these really lovely kitten heeled ankle boots and have been wearing them with drab in the last couple of days. Another Tara recommended was to buy some decent eye-liner. £17.50!!! but it is good.
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Also bought three lovely dresses. A white sun dress for when the weather warms up, a dead slinky LBD (can now claim to be a woman since I have a little black dress) which will make its début next week – three days in Manchester YAY, YAY, YAY – and the pretty button through shown in the pic which I wore out on Friday. I am certain that both my dress sense and my make-up is coming on and I am becoming far more individual in what I choose to buy. Also bought some trousers for work but they were no good. Even I am losing weight, now only nine stone and I'm 5 foot ten. English size 10 is now too big for me; good news though is that I'm definitely a size 12 in dresses. Size 0 here I come, ha-ha.
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I am starting to notice girls who look like me. Tall, slender, dark-haired and sexy ha-ha. What makes them special? What makes them individual? How is their make-up complimenting them? What assets are they revealing? That is fun but I need to start talking to them as well. Things do seem to be tipping in that area as well. I am finding that I'm sharing a far greater affinity with girls everywhere – at work, on the train, in the shops. Maybe its because I'm much more open in my femininity and do not now try to hide it. It also helps that I notice things more and am willing to point them out; though I'm still too passive.
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I've finally lost all of my pairs of clip on earrings. They are just like socks! So next week in Manchester will finally get my ears pierced. I'm ready for it and my target date was June, so I'm not too far ahead of myself. Then I'm going to buy myself some really tarty hooped earrings ha-ha. Am aware however of how much work is needed and that you have to keep turning them to stop infection. Earrings and boots may be too much for work at this stage, not sure how I'm going to play it yet.
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Oh and I've sort of come out at work. Have told Kellie who doesn't work on-site with me but is very open and honest. Certainly our phone calls and emails are far more fun now she knows – and she thinks its brilliant that I have the courage to do it. She will help me. I have two girls on-site in mind to help me out further; can't just do it myself. The time has to be right and I must be ready. Maybe the week after next.
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Talking about being ready, I think I am nearly ready for a man. Not a man to have sex with, though he will be welcome to me whenever he wants, but a man to share in a relationship; to be there for, to look pretty for. Someone who is strong and will protect and care for me also. The big question is I suppose, am I enough of a woman yet? I suspect not quite but I am getting there!
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