The one thing that's constantly been with me all my life is that I love, no adore, dressing as a member of the opposite sex. It was clearly there before I was born since my earliest recollection of childhood is being told off by my Father for putting on my Mother's stage dress (she was a singer, her stage name was Margaret Dale, hence why I am Tricia Dale). I wonder now how I managed to get it on! I also remember playing silly dress up games when I was desperate to play a girl's part. All my friends would say I couldn't and I would accept it. If only I knew now.... Then, as I got older and reached puberty, I realised that the little thing between my legs was not just for peeing. I can remember the first time I masturbated. The class at school had to go skating (why, goodness only knows, I'd never been skating in my life, I guess it was on TV at the time) and my grandmother had to get me an emergency skating outfit and bring it to school. It arrived in a package and I was only given it when I was in the changing room. I think you know the rest, it was a sparkly emerald green dress (why? but I still love that colour), and had the prettiest, frilliest emerald green panties. I tried to hide in the toilets but was found by the teacher and had to walk onto the ice in front of the whole class, boys and girls, to whistles and catcalls. I suppose my life hasn't changed much since then, at least privately. The trouble is that I was, and am still not, ever worried about being a man. I could do it, I could hack it; I was popular, I was good at sports - especially football and cricket. Under the covers however my dreams got more and more erotic. So I reached 16, 17, 18 whatever and I should have been dating girls. This was a real problem because I'd look at a girl and think how much I wanted to be her, to wear what she wore, to smell how she smelt, just to have the opportunity to be feminine. I did go on some dates but I just wasn't committed enough, although the girls were lovely I had no desire to ravage them, I suppose I just wanted to be them. At this stage in my life I never thought about boys at all or whether I fancied them, however had I allowed myself to dress as I would like, I think I would. I would see a very pretty girl with a guy and just think how wonderful it would be if I were her.
So I went to University. Successful at school and still playing sport to a very good level. Inside me this desire to be feminine, to look and feel like a woman; but externally I would do everything to fight this off. I was seen through at University and had options to develop my feminine side (how I now wish I had taken them). I did have girlfriends but I couldn't make love to them as a man would. Underneath I suppose I still wanted to be underneath. I fought and fought for the one thing I shouldn't have fought for. So I left University with a degree but no acceptance of what I really was, so I carried on fighting. The dreams got more erotic, the masturbation better and better
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